fragments

"No, I didn't lick your ear, but I did jump on you."
"I like to garden salsa. Tomatoes, peppers, basil..."
"Is there a toe of preference?"
"I just broke my own goddamn rule penguin. And I just made it penguin. Fu*k penguin!"
"Can we sing along and not add penguin penguin?"
"I feel like everyone's named penguin penguin."
"There was a semicolon there, bitch penguin."
"I'm going to inadvertantly say penguin in class tomorrow penguin."
"I'm going to dream of penguins tonight."
"If you don't go get Dr. Pepper right now, I'm going to do something really horrible and homosexual to you."
"It's love; no one has to be drunk."
"It's not sexy; it's a recreational activity."
"Never have I ever...broken a bone." -- "Um, does it have to be your own?"
"I want something after the makeout...I don't mean right away..."
"The point is everybody should be queer so they're not offended by shit like that."
"I was singing to you, goddamnit! You should be melting!" -- "I was melting internally." -- "Your turn, Melty."
"Who would possibly shit through a hole in their pants?" -- "Somebody would. Zaphod would." -- "Zaphod would take my pants, rip a hole in them, and try to shit through them."
"Can you take a picture of me jumping into the Thames?" -- "Can you take a picture of me pushing him into the Thames?" -- "No, I'm jumping of my own free will." -- "I'm helping you jump of your own free will."
"I love those big guns out there. They make me feel like a man."
"Oh, look at that phallic structure."
"I want to see Jesuses. There's supposed to be Jesuses on the road." -- "Jesi?"
"There are crop circles around Hogwarts. This one particular tree: it just fell."
"The ocean seems particularly high." -- "Like, bulging?" -- "I shall write a poem." -- "'The Bulging Ocean'?" -- "It shall be romantic."
"I heard you blamed it on pepper."
"Parlez-vouz francais?" -- "No. You speak English?" -- "Non." (pause). "Ecstace?"--"No." -- [official announcement: Thank you for turning down ecstacy last night; it probably saved me a lot of work.]
"I'm sorry I brought joy into your life!" -- "No, I mean I'm sorry I made you laugh because it might have hurt your stomach."
"Every cigarette counts. That's what the ad campaign told me."
"...because I'm not going to pass out." -- "Me neither. Let's make plans."
on singing YMCA on the bus: "My arms are getting really tired." -- "Don't lose the momentum!" -- I would have done something with my lower body by now if I was standing." -- "I feel like I'm doing old people aerobics." -- "You should all be ashamed of yourselves."
"How did you know? Does my ambience go so far?"
"I like to take long walks, down...York Street."
"Ou sont les meilleurs discotheques?" -- "Belgium." -- "We're going to Belgium! I don't know how to get there, but we're going to walk. The fastest way is across that water."
"It was 'I want to go to bed' and 'I'm thirsty' and 'I love you' in various orders. 'J'aime dormier en l'eau...'"
"Don't piss in my pocket and tell me it's raining."
"We need to start a boy band: four girls and Zaphod."
"Yes, I was just in the process of being disgusted by you."
"Ok, let's start making fun of random countries. Macedonia. What is with..."
"You can't be drunk and screaming when someone's playing the cello." -- "I beg to differ."
"Let's to start our essays now." -- "Let's not and say we did. 'What the hell, Christian?! We handed it in!"
"I have a deep love for medium cheddar."
"I'm feeling random." -- "Me too. I'm supressing the urge to burst into showtunes." -- "I'm suppressing the urge to moo...I don't know why. Maybe I'm just fat as a cow."
"I don't know why you're so happy. Maybe you're on drugs. Maybe they're drugging the food. Because I'm happy too now now now and maybe there's drugs. Maybe there's drugs everywhere because they don't want people whining on the food and there's drugs in the food and in the tea and in the coffee and in the air and in our clothes in the everywhere everywhere everywhere and maybe they're in the spoons, they make up the plastic spoons from it and it dissolves in hot water tiny tiny wee bits of it!" -- "But I used a metal spoon." -- "Maybe they're coating the metal spoons too. Because the spoons want to take over. Because the spoons are all elitist and they like to use chemical warfare to corrode the knives and forks and they want to replace the knives and the forks, they want a monopoly, you see, that's what the sporks were all about: they're trying to prove that spoons can stab things too, and cut things up and spoons are going to get sharper and multitask-like and there'll be sharp point spoons everywhere and soup will gain in popularity because it will have more happy drugs than other stuff and there will be great armies of pointy sharp spoons everywhere all around around around the world around the world around the world around the world." -- "How many espressos did you have today, Athaira?" -- "It's not about the espressos. It's about the spoons I stirred them with. Those evil evil spoons trying to gain a cutlery monopoly, taking over our consciousness until garbage dumps are really sharp with all the rejected knives and forks and they'll all have to go into thereapy and I'll write a best-selling self-help book for them and make millions of dollars and buy a house in London but go over to France for holidays and their delicious delicious coffee."
"I wish I had emergency pants."
"And I liked ABBA and that was what first made me think that I might be queer. And then I found out later I was."
"I like self-control. It's such a useful substitute for sanity."
"Goofy is hot in a dumb-looking way."
"I had the best toga." -- "It was like a scarf." -- "I looked like Lawrence of Arabia and I needed a camel. I should have ridden Ping last night." -- Ping:"WHAT?!?" -- "I was saying I needed a camel last night." - "Oh."
"Ping used the word 'creaming' inapproriately last night." -- "No. I was moisturizing with Hawaiian body butter..."
"Oh, I spilt my cream everywhere. I guess I'm moisturizing everything."
"I don't know why I'm giving the saliva lecture."
"To the colour pink, heterosexual men, and being in England. Cheers!"