meh

So, I am ill, yet again. But for once, it is a cold, and not migraine/pain disorder/some relation. It is variety!
Well, not entirely, as I have one at least every winter. It is usually at Christmas, however. Maybe I'll have another later.
I am rather getting some fun out of the novelty of being contagious, however. It makes me feel powerful. "I have become death, destroyer of worlds..."

So...life has been routine with some extra naps lately. My brain does seem to have difficulty with that pesky consciousness thing, even before the cold. I am applying to graduate studies: Western, UBC, and U of Alberta so far...and I hate forms and I hate bureaucracy and I hate selling myself to people. I'm used to insulting myself or granting myself outrageous hyperbolical compliments that are not meant to be taken seriously. This convenient lying I do not find interesting enough to enjoy.
I'm a fairly dedicated student, I work pretty hard, I get good marks: give me money. That's it. That's all. I wish it was all automatic and they just looked at my transcript and I did not have to invest any effort into the process. Effort is a terribly limited commodity these days.

Middle English is meh. Fine, not yet exciting. I need to pick a topic for a presentation. On anything. I feel like I'm in grade school again for that one. Developmental Psycholinguistics, on the other hand, is a little over my head. I walked out of the last class feeling very dumb. Of course, the cold-induced idiocy didn't help. Then Sven joined me and we studied Old Norse until that class, which was a bit over an hour later. Sven is a German exchange student, in the aforesaid two of my classes. There are only four others than us in the Norse class, both Helga and Shrimp are in my Middle English class also. I like small classes; I actually know everyone's name. This is comforting; it gives a vague sense that I have some idea what is going on, which (however misleading) is a nice sensation, as well as a novel one.

I like old Norse. But I have been reading Chekhov instead of studying for I am sick and this makes me lazy and irresponsible. And drops my IQ at least fifty points. It is terribly distressing. I love Chekhov to death, he is clever and subtle and sweet, but he does tend to bring out my cynical side more than usual. Take this passage for example: "All I am dreaming about nowwhich seems to me so impossible and unearthly is really quite an ordinary thing," thought Ryabovitch, looking at the clouds of dust racing after the general's carriage. "It's all very ordinary, and everyone goes through it...That general, for instance, has once been in love; now he is married and has children. Captain Vahter, too, is married and beloved, though the nape of his neck is very red and ugly and he has no waist...Salmonov is coarse and very Tatar, but he has had a love affair that has ended in marriage...I am the same as every one else, and I, too, shall have the same experience as every one else, sooner or later..."
I read this and I look over at my POTENTIAL inspiration poster, with the picture of fries and the caption "Not everybody gets to be an astronaut," and I laugh bitterly.
Being sick is bothering me. I hate not being able to think coherantly. It seems a terribly unfair trick for the universe to play on me. I do not appreciate it.

I cleaned my room.

Yeah...that's about it.